How to Write a Genuine Thank You Note

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Writing thank you notes has become something of a lost art. We text and we email. We don’t often write.

But there is something to be said for a genuine, thoughtful, handwritten thank you note. And not just for weddings, baby showers, and gifts! You’ll stand out from the crowd for writing one. People treasure handwritten notes. And a snail-mail card certainly expresses your sincere thanks far more than a text message.

The format and examples below show exactly how to write a genuine thank you note that will set you apart.

Why write a thank you note?

I’ve always believed that learning to be a good host also means being a good guest. It’s simply good manners to thank a person who gave you a gift or invited you into their home.

These days most people use quick texts or emails that you can shoot off the next morning without too much effort. This definitely makes saying thanks much easier and you’re less likely to forget to do it.

But nothing really replaces the genuine thoughtfulness of a personalized thank you note. It will be cherished. And it will be noticed. Old fashioned mail has become less and less common. Which leads me to the next point.

It’s just plain classy. Taking the time out of your day to actually sit down, pull out a card and compose a thoughtful note, then stamp it and mail it is a genuinely classy thing to do. It also speaks volumes to how much you appreciated the person’s gesture to you.

When to write a thank you note?

Any time someone has gone out of their way to be kind, write a note. If you’re wondering if you should, it probably means you should. After all, there is no harm in sending a thank you note, even for small gestures. People love to have their good deeds noticed. So keep in mind:

• Gifts (Birthday, Wedding, Baby Shower, Christmas, Out of the Blue)
• Invitations (To dinner, to holiday events, to overnight stays, etc…whether you accepted or not)
• Parties of all sorts
• Donations to events (Both public events and personal: funerals, weddings, etc.)
• Favors
• Above and Beyond Actions
• Job interviews (Though this is a more formal subset and can be done over email)

If you’re worried that all of these take too much time, I promise writing thank you notes gets easier the more you do it.

What to say in a Genuine Thank You Note?

Most thank you notes can be pretty brief and to the point. You don’t need to spend hours composing a note. A basic one shouldn’t take more than 10 minutes out of your day.

Of course, if you’re writing to a family member or dear friend, including a bit more about your life might be nice. One paragraph with an amusing anecdote or some quick updates is all you’d need. But again, this is optional.

The basic Thank You Note Formula:

1. Opening Thanks – Always start your note with a salutation: Dear So-and-so. Then jump right to the point. Why are you writing? To say thanks. So say it in the first sentence. Thank them and explicitly state what you are thanking them for. Be as specific as possible. “Thank you for the present” isn’t as genuine as “Thank you for the adorable champagne flutes.”
2. Personalize it – Write a personalized sentence or two about how you plan to use the gift or how you remember the experience. “We are hosting a housewarming party in a few weeks and can’t wait to show them off!” You need at least once sentence, but you can add more if you feel like expounding on the virtues of the gift or experience. But try to keep it short. Too much information here starts to sound clunky and disingenuine.
3. Make it About Them – Add a quick note about them. It can be a comment on the next time you’ll see them. A well-wishing for an upcoming event in their life. Just something to let them know you are thinking of them as well.
4. Thank Them Again – It is the reason you’re writing after all. This one can be shorter.
5. Sign Off – A thoughtful sign off is somewhat personal. Remember who you are writing to in this portion. Grandma will probably want to know you’ll stay in touch. A job interviewer will just want a quick closing.

Sample Genuine Thank You Notes:

Most of these are notes I’ve actually written to people. (Names changed for privacy of course.)

Gifts:

Dear Rachel,

Thank you so much for the scarf you sent for Christmas. Did you hand knit it yourself? I’m so impressed! We just had a snow storm blow through this past weekend, so I had the perfect opportunity to wear it on my morning stroll to the farmer’s market. Some powerful 19 degree winds, but I was so cozy and warm!

Everyone here is doing well and sends their love. Daisy also adores the scarf, for different reasons of course. Thank you again! I’ll write you a longer note soon!

Your Friend,

~ Kathryn

Invitation/Party:

Dear Dolores,

Thank you so much for your invitation to dinner this past weekend. It was so lovely to see your home decorated for the holidays. The food was delicious. You know I’m jealous of your baking skills.

Good luck on your pitch next month. I can’t wait to hear how it all goes!

Thank you again for a lovely evening of dinner and conversation. We’ll reach out and set a dinner date for next month once we’re all back in town.

Best,

~ Kathryn and Daisy

Personal Donations:

Dear Mark,

Thank you so much for the beautiful flowers you sent to my Grandmother’s funeral. Lilies were her favorite flower, so it was especially touching to receive your bouquet. We all appreciate your support during this difficult time.

Best wishes for your family. Thank you again for your sympathy. We are blessed to have you as a friend.

Warmly,

~ Kathryn

Favors/Above and Beyond Actions:

Dear Mr. Murphy,

Thank you for looking after Daisy while I was away last week. It was such a relief to know she was being cared for and in good hands. I think she hardly missed me!

Thank you again and let me know if there’s any way I can return the favor.

Best,

~ Kathryn and Daisy

Job Interviews:

*Job Interview thank yous can be a much more detailed topic, but for the purposes of a simple thank you note, this will suffice! Of course, if you connected over something specific in your interview, make sure to mention it in your note.

Dear Emma,

Thank you for taking time to interview me for your assistant position. You have a lovely team at your office, and I’m so glad I’m not the only one who watches Mrs. Maisel!
Please keep me updated about the position. It sounded like such an exciting project. Let me know if there is anything else you need from me.

Thank you again,

~ Kathryn

Should I use a card or letter paper?

It doesn’t matter. As long as you aren’t writing your note on a used bar napkin, you’re good. (Only very eccentric people can get away with a schtick like that. And, I’m sorry to say if you’re reading this article, you probably aren’t one of those people.)

What you write on is genuinely up to you and your style. Stationary is really a matter of personal preference. If you are a letter-writer and have lots of letter paper or personalized letterhead, why not use it.

But Thank You cards are a classic and you should always have some on hand. Not everyone you thank will need a full letter. It’s a good idea to pick up a set for relatively cheap at your local pharmacy.

Want to order some now? Here’s one of my favorite thank you card designs! The envelopes even have peel and stick seals, so no licking required!

If you are replying to a job interview email-chain or don’t have the physical address of the person you want to thank, these tips work just as well for an email thank you note.

Don’t let the lack of note cards or stamps stop you from expressing your thanks.

The Real Key to a Good Thank You Note:

Just be honestly grateful. Even if you think those champagne flutes are hideous. Even if you never plan to attend dinner parties with that person again. Even if you feel the favor wasn’t genuine on their part.

Every moment in your life has some sort of silver lining. Take 10 minutes out of your day, sit down, and find that silver lining. Then write that silver lining in a card and mail it.

Not only is it classy. You’ll make the other person feel valued. And taking the time to do so will make you feel pretty good too. It isn’t what you think of the gift that matters, is it? (And I guarantee if you spend a few minutes coming up with something good about it, you might like it more too!)

Being kind never hurt anyone. And it takes very little effort to make someone else feel special. They feel good. You feel good. Win-win!